p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
