Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
