I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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