Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
