pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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