Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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