and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
