we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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