Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
