you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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