At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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