when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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