dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
try to milk me bitch
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
