She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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