he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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