So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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