I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
