I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
