you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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