Too much gin, very little bucket
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
