on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
