she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
