So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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