bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
