I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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