no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
