like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
