I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
