I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
