??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
