you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
