saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
