I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
