Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need to stop coming to work sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
