Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
