How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
did i just pee glitter
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
