I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
