like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
