I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
