thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
