I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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