Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
