My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
