u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
