Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
