Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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