apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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