do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
