No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
