This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
