You're my little dorito
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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