I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
