i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
