he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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