I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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